Whiskey...Tango...Foxtrot

I swear, I couldn't make this crap up if I tried.  From the "This country has officially lost it's f'ing mind" file comes this:

The Cincinnati Health Department will investigate the Cincinnati Reds for violations of the state smoking ban after receiving complaints that the players smoked cigars indoors while celebrating their N.L. Central title

I don't know what's worse, the fact that this law allows the government to tell private citizens what they can or can't do on their own property or the fact that 5 douchebags actually validated this ridiculous ban by calling and tattling on grown men for enjoying a well-deserved cigar after winning a championship that officially ended the franchise's 15 years of irrelevance.

Despite the fact that this story reads like something out of an old Monty Python sketch, some people actually seem to agree with the Reds being fined for this "transgression."  If I may quote one such busybody from the comment section of this story:

"Folks, we need to get away from the misconception that the consumption of tobacco or tobacco products is good or healthy or is a reward for celebration. Instead, we should call the consumption of tobacco what it is; a filthy, disgusting, habit that is attributable to more than 400,000 Americans deaths annually. There is no such thing as a cigar or cigarette burning in the presence of humans or animals that do not cause some degree of danger.

MLB and the Reds organization should be ashamed of the Reds immature behavior, and setting a poor example. MLB and ALL pro sports should condemn the consumption of tobacco."

Now, I won't even try to argue that smoking isn't an unhealthy habit; it unquestionably is.  However, the issue isn't whether smoking is a "filthy, disgusting habit" or not, the issue is whether or not I have the right to decide what I do with my own body, on my own property.  

Furthermore, why the hell is it the responsibility of the Reds, Major League Baseball, or any league to condemn anything?  Especially something that is (at least for the moment...) legal.  The Reds have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.  They have had a tremendous season, and as a result will be one of only 8 teams to vie for the World Series championship.  They are all grown men who have the right to chose to celebrate any way they see fit, whether it be downing a couple of gallons of champagne, eating like a pig, or by relaxing with a few cigars...or all three.

Frankly I don't need a nanny and neither do the Cincinnati Reds or any fully-functional adult for that matter.  The last thing we need is our government acting as some sort of ever-present helicopter parent, hovering above us at all times to ensure we don't harm ourselves.  We all deserve to be treated as adults who are capable of making our own decisions in life, and we should take great offense when we aren't.  And yes that even applies to those of us who seemingly enjoy being told what to do, how to live, and for some reason still feel compelled to tattle on those of us who don't.

A grown man enjoying himself?!
Somebody call the fun police!!!

Photo courtesy: AP Photo/Tom Uhlman