May 21, 2011, 8:51 P.M. EST
Dear Diary,
Hmm, I'm still surrounded by Christians. I guess God stayed up late last night helping Fred Phelps come up with witty new catch phrases for his picket signs ("God hates fags" is pretty good, but it's getting a little stale, in my opinion) and simply couldn't work up enough energy to start the Apocalypse today. I'm somewhat disappointed, as I was really looking forward to a world without Kirk Cameron...
More later,
Derek
