Kinky...

 

Note to AP: Spellchecker is your friend...

The Big O's 2nd and 3rd Senior Seasons Were Amazing!

Last night my Cincinnati Bearcats (Yes, MY BEARCATS) beat Florida State in the NCAA tournament to earn their first trip to the Sweet 16 in over a decade.  While basking in their reflected glory, I decided to hop on over to espn.com (my first mistake) to see what the "experts" had to say about their victory (my second mistake).  While perusing the game recap, I stumbled upon the following gem:

"Cincinnati (26-10) will play No. 2 seed Ohio State in Boston on Thursday night in the East Regional, joining Xavier and Ohio in the second weekend. The Bearcats and Ohio State last played on Dec. 16, 2006, when Ohio State won 72-50 in Indianapolis in the Wooden Tradition. That was the only time the former state rivals have played since Cincinnati's championship game wins with Oscar Robertson."

 "Two national championship wins in absentia.  Hot damn, I was good!"

Cool story, but there's one little problem.  When the Bearcats defeated Ohio State for the national championship in 1961 and 1962, Oscar was busy playing in the NBA with the Cincinnati Royals.

This brings to mind one question; Does ESPN utilize some sort of screening process when hiring fact-checkers, or is breathing pretty much the only requirement?  At least they didn't refer to him as Oscar Robinson...

Whew...

One word: PACKERS!!!

31-25 Green Bay.  Thank god...I hate the Steelers so damn much.

Whiskey...Tango...Foxtrot

I swear, I couldn't make this crap up if I tried.  From the "This country has officially lost it's f'ing mind" file comes this:

The Cincinnati Health Department will investigate the Cincinnati Reds for violations of the state smoking ban after receiving complaints that the players smoked cigars indoors while celebrating their N.L. Central title

I don't know what's worse, the fact that this law allows the government to tell private citizens what they can or can't do on their own property or the fact that 5 douchebags actually validated this ridiculous ban by calling and tattling on grown men for enjoying a well-deserved cigar after winning a championship that officially ended the franchise's 15 years of irrelevance.

Despite the fact that this story reads like something out of an old Monty Python sketch, some people actually seem to agree with the Reds being fined for this "transgression."  If I may quote one such busybody from the comment section of this story:

"Folks, we need to get away from the misconception that the consumption of tobacco or tobacco products is good or healthy or is a reward for celebration. Instead, we should call the consumption of tobacco what it is; a filthy, disgusting, habit that is attributable to more than 400,000 Americans deaths annually. There is no such thing as a cigar or cigarette burning in the presence of humans or animals that do not cause some degree of danger.

MLB and the Reds organization should be ashamed of the Reds immature behavior, and setting a poor example. MLB and ALL pro sports should condemn the consumption of tobacco."

Now, I won't even try to argue that smoking isn't an unhealthy habit; it unquestionably is.  However, the issue isn't whether smoking is a "filthy, disgusting habit" or not, the issue is whether or not I have the right to decide what I do with my own body, on my own property.  

Furthermore, why the hell is it the responsibility of the Reds, Major League Baseball, or any league to condemn anything?  Especially something that is (at least for the moment...) legal.  The Reds have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.  They have had a tremendous season, and as a result will be one of only 8 teams to vie for the World Series championship.  They are all grown men who have the right to chose to celebrate any way they see fit, whether it be downing a couple of gallons of champagne, eating like a pig, or by relaxing with a few cigars...or all three.

Frankly I don't need a nanny and neither do the Cincinnati Reds or any fully-functional adult for that matter.  The last thing we need is our government acting as some sort of ever-present helicopter parent, hovering above us at all times to ensure we don't harm ourselves.  We all deserve to be treated as adults who are capable of making our own decisions in life, and we should take great offense when we aren't.  And yes that even applies to those of us who seemingly enjoy being told what to do, how to live, and for some reason still feel compelled to tattle on those of us who don't.

A grown man enjoying himself?!
Somebody call the fun police!!!

Photo courtesy: AP Photo/Tom Uhlman 

Chris Henry 1983-2009

What a waste.

That's all that keeps coming to mind when I think about Chris Henry's passing earlier today. What a waste. A young man who had been through so much adversity – most, by his own admission, a direct result of his own actions – finally seemed to have his life on track. After numerous and highly publicized legal issues, Henry distanced himself from people whom he considered to be negative influences, and managed to keep his nose clean ever since being re-signed by the Cincinnati Bengals in 2008. He had a beautiful fiancée, three beautiful children, and was being paid millions of dollars to play a game most American men would gladly play for free.

Chris Henry had all of the tools to be one of the elite wide receivers in the NFL. Unfortunately, his many bad decisions coupled with some equally bad luck kept him from ever reaching his on-field potential. Still, even after nearly five years of frustration with the oft-injured and troubled receiver, Bengals fans like myself couldn't help but be excited for the day when a healthy and mature Chris Henry suited up in tiger stripes on Sundays. Now, we'll never know just how good he would've been.

As disappointing as the loss of a talented young athlete is, a wasted football career is trivial when one considers the three children Henry leaves behind. His three small children are now forced to grow up without their father. They won't get to cheer as their dad scores touchdowns on Sundays. No, instead this Sunday they will be planning to bury their father, at 26 years old.

I don't currently know all of the details surrounding Mr. Henry's death, and for me to speculate here would be in very poor taste. Whatever transpired Wednesday afternoon, it appears his death was the unfortunate outcome of one last poor decision in a life which was regrettably fraught with them. A tragic, but not altogether unexpected end for a young man whose brief life was so frustratingly defined by what if.

In the end I think Mr. Henry's life can accurately be summed up by a single play. Back in a 2005 playoff game against the Pittsburgh Steelers, Henry caught a 66 yard pass on the Bengals first offensive snap – and seriously injured his knee on the very same play. That was Chris Henry in a nutshell; A brilliant flash of potential, followed by bitter misfortune and disappointment.  Regardless of whatever is ultimately written upon Chris Henry's tombstone, I can think of no epitaph more fitting than “What might have been.”

Former atheist becomes true believer. Exclaims, "Truly there is a God...and He hates the Cincinnati Bengals!"

"Ugh...Why hast thou forsaken me?"

After a calm and collected Carson Palmer expertly led the Cincinnati Bengals offense on a 6 minute, 91 yard touchdown drive that eerily mirrored his USC Trojan's game-winning drive against the Ohio State Buckeyes the night before, things seemed pretty darn good in Bengal-land. Up 7-6 with only 38 seconds to play, the team seemed almost assured of a win. They had somehow found a way to overcome dumb penalties, wasted opportunities, and 55 minutes of inept offense to steal a victory and avoid a crushing opening day loss at home.

Then the all-too-predictable disaster struck. In a play that could really only happen to the Cincinnati Bengals, a desperate Kyle Orton lobbed a pass that was nowhere near his intended target and was subsequently tipped into the air by Bengals cornerback, Leon Hall. For any other team, the ball would have either been intercepted by one of Hall's teammates or merely fallen harmlessly to the ground. But because these are the Bengals, Denver wide receiver Brandon Stokley just happened to be in the perfect spot to catch the deflected ball and scamper 87 yards for a touchdown to give the Broncos (after a missed 2-point conversion) an unbelievable 12-7 win in Cincinnati.

I am left with only one explanation for this madness: There is a God, and He absolutely hates the Cincinnati Bengals with a passion. So God, on behalf of the downtrodden football fans of Cincinnati, I implore thee, please spare the UC Bearcats from your divine wrath. They are our only hope of salvation...oh, the Bearcats and your son of course. Heh, heh, heh...Please don't smite me!